A Soft Place to Land

Wonder where you've stumbled too? This is a good place to start.

Photo by Keegan Houser on Unsplash

What inspired me to start Dr. Amber_Writes?

The real answer? In the span of about 6 months, I experienced three devastating losses. First was the loss of my stability in my marriage to my person. I had to accept that maybe he would die and I could not stop it. Spoiler alert: he survived; but somehow loss remains, what once felt impossible is now a very real threat.

Then, we made the heart-breaking choice to say goodbye to my soul-animal, the dog that drove with me from Texas to Indiana, to Maryland, to West Virginia. Through graduate school and marriage and motherhood. Euthanasia also feels impossible, until that moment that their suffering is undeniable and suddenly it’s crucial, it’s time.

Lastly, while my mind and heart were distracted with these other impossibilities-turned-realities, my father admitted defeat in his fight with lung disease. He chose to stop the oxygen and increase the morphine, he said the words and signed the papers, (and I did not even know that was an option, and it only took less than two days.)

How can one be so alive and so close to death all at once? And I suppose, is that not the truth for all of us?

At some point shortly after, a thought stopped me as I went about something mindless and unrelated. Like walking up the stairs, it hit me. “If there is something you have not been doing, that you want to be doing, then now is the time. Life is not waiting for you to be ready.” And I knew that thing was to write.

About Me

I recently learned about the concept of “social positioning.” I was aware of the fact that we all claim or acquire multiple identities that exist in a social structure, with some identities ascribed more power than others. I had just never heard it called “social positioning” before. So how would I describe my social position? I am a white cis-woman, in my late 30’s. I am married, with two young children. I am a first generation college student who went on to complete a doctorate. I have experienced anxiety and depression, and been treated for those using the same strategies that you will hear me talk about on here. I am tight knit with my family of origin, despite moving half way across the country with every intention of staying away. Becoming a mother brought me home. I live in a community that is about an hour away from some of the most impoverished neighborhoods in the country and the most fantastic wealth, depending on which direction you take on the highway. I was taught to love all those people equally. I share my home with two dogs, a ball python, and five cats, which I like to think is its own personality trait. And lots of plants.

You can read more about my therapy/therapist journey in my first post We Are All Anxious Here.

What will you read here

When I began this project, I told myself I would not over think it. This is one of the parts I’m struggling not to overthink.

I know that sometimes I would like to write with my therapist hat on, providing education on mental wellness and insights from my career. An example of that type of post would be There’s No A in Anxiety.

• I would love for a subset of my writing to be directly for a therapist audience. Therapists need community and in this world of teletherapy, its becoming more and more difficult to find.

• I would like that to include a book club, in which we can set an intention to read a book together and then open up the chat for discussion and learning.

Other times, I would like to write as a mother, because this is the part that keeps me up at night. I touched on the importance of feeling our feelings, so that our children can feel theirs in the essay A Invitation To Grieve Fearlessly.

And other times, I want to write about shared human experiences; the ones I can speak to with the most intimacy at least. Along those lines, I am working on a memoir about my family history of addiction and intend to share parts of that as it progresses. In the meantime, I am writing a lot about grief (Grieving In Progress) This newsletter functions as accountability for my writing practice.

What you will not read here

Another thing I learned this year? Never say never.

What you will get if you subscribe

Each week, I will share at least one personal essay or educational article. I will include links to books and podcasts that I recommend frequently to clients. If you subscribe, you can check out what interests you and leave the rest. So far, I have experienced Substack as a rabbit hole of the best kind; of intelligence, creativity, and kindness. So I encourage you to explore. Everything I write here is free for now, but I would, admittedly, like to paywall some of it in the future.