It Happens to the Best of Us

Anxiety, that is.

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I want to share a little story about an anxious mother scrolling innocently on social media. 

One night this week, I stumbled upon a humorous social media post that referenced a less humorous social media post. Specifically, it included a clip of a psychologist who stated that “the number one thing that contributed to anxious children….was parents who were rushing all the time.”

My mom-guilt is always waiting around for a chance to make an appearance. I imagine her like a dog whose ears perk up whenever she hears certain buzz-words related to the things I worry about the most. All I needed to hear was that one sentence, and guilt came calling. 

Patience is a virtue, and one that I admittedly struggle with. Every morning before school, I am rushing my kids out the door. In my defense, they have zero hustle. 

I already had a little guilt about the early morning rush, and this random social media post was like a match thrown on kindling. 

Of course rushing your kids makes them anxious. What was I thinking? I must stop rushing them, starting first thing tomorrow, but what if the damage is already done?

I felt so uncomfortable with the emotions I was feeling, that I did what any reasonable middle-aged professional does when they are upset….I texted my mother in the middle of the night.

“This makes me feel so guilty,” I wrote. 

As I lay wrapped up in my guilt and anxiety like an itchy blanket, I did have the occasional rational thought like, “Well how do I know that this statement is even true? Maybe I should look into it.” I added it to my long mental to-do list, where it was quickly buried under five other things. 

The next morning, I was mindful of how badly I did not want to burden my children with lifelong anxiety disorders, so I made sure to give them gentle reminders every 15 minutes and use my most calm and neutral voice. 

“Ok guys, finish eating please! 

“Start getting dressed please!

“Just a reminder, we are leaving in 10 minutes!”

“Find your shoes please!”

We got out the door and went about our day with (hopefully) minimal trauma to everyone involved. But throughout the day my brain kindly reminded me that I had probably been screwing up every day of my parenting journey by rushing my kids too much. 

That night, I was scrolling on Substack, a less social media-y source of social media. Lo and behold, someone had written about the same viral video that I had seen the night before (thanks Algorithm!) 

Thankfully, Dr. Cara Goodwin took the time to check the facts on this particular piece of parenting advice. As she explains in her article, “Is Hurried Child Syndrome Real?”, Dr. Goodwin looked into the research that was cited as the source for this claim. According to the article, “hurried child syndrome” is defined as, “ A condition in which parent’s overschedule their children’s lives, push them hard for academic success, and expect them to behave and react as miniature adults.”

What? That’s not at all what was described in the video I had seen. I had heard the sound bite and made an assumption about what it meant and how it applied to me.

Now I really felt foolish. 

Why am I sharing this embarrassing little anecdote? Well, because I think it illustrates how easy it is to be triggered into anxious spiral, especially when that anxiety involves a good dose of parent guilt. 

I am a psychologist with a Ph.D. in educational psychology who spends 5 days a week talking to anxious adults, many of whom are anxious parents. I have plenty of experience supporting anxious children. I have done a lot of my own personal therapeutic work on managing my anxiety. I consider myself pretty knowledgeable when it comes to what causes and maintains anxiety. 

And still, I fell down the rabbit hole. 

It happens to the best of us y’all. 

So take this as a friendly reminder that social media is a petri dish of misinformation, click bait, and unsolicited opinions. If you see something there that activates your nervous system and causes a large emotional reaction, always pause to dig a little deeper. Check the credentials of the people sharing the information and take some time to look at the original research. It is very easy for the results of research studies to be misrepresented in the media (which was the case here). 

I also recommend being cautious when you turn to the internet for information or reassurance about something you are anxious about. As anyone who has ever turned to Dr. Google for medical advice will tell you, the internet is just as likely to make you feel worse. Choose a few trusted sources, and rely on those when you are seeking information.

If you do have concerns about how well you are managing the stress of getting your children out the door, I suggest you check out Dr. Goodwin’s article in which she gives some great tips. 

Anxious parents, I see you. I am you. Stay informed out there!

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Disclosure: Dr. Amber_Writes is a newsletter designed to be informational, entertaining, and engaging. It is not therapy. Following this newsletter does not establish a therapeutic relationship with me. Dr. Amber_Writes, and other written communication by Amber Groomes on Substack, is not a substitute for treatment, diagnosis, or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. I assume no liability for any action taken in reliance on my writing here at Dr. Amber_Writes.