I loved this. It really captures the process I see my clients struggling with and how the nugget of truth can allow for empathy. I connected with the self validating steps too. It’s a great framework that can lead to self acceptance and becoming unstuck from habits that keep you going round in cycles. Thanks for sharing & please keep on writing!
This is super helpful! I write about burnout over on my substack and learning these emotional intelligence skills is just so key to preventing/ surviving/ recovering from burnout. Thank you for naming the steps so clearly.
So glad it was helpful! I am going to check out your substack as well. I love seeing how others are using substack to share their expertise. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Found this from your wrapped post. Very well articulated and I look forward to being more of a detective and figuring out the logic of others' emotion.
Loved this piece! Here’s something I struggle with: validating my own mother, who can be an immature adult at times. For example, I asked her to try to call me by my chosen name (it’s been 5 years since I changed my name legally) and she started crying about how hard it was for her because “this name isn’t connected to anything for me.” How would I validate this while still asking her to change her behavior? Would I use the child model you provided, or is that too patronizing to use on an adult? Thank you!
Good to hear from you Jude! This is a great example because it is such a common response from parents in this scenario, and it is also an invalidation for the children. In general for a parent in that situation, I might normalize their sadness "I understand that you have an attachment to the name you chose for your child, many parents feel that way. There is grief in no longer using that name. For the sake of your relationship with your child, can you allow that grief to be there while still respecting their need for you to use their chosen name?" Something like that. An important nuance though: I think it gets tricky when expecting ourselves to validate a response that harms us in someway, especially when there is power at play in the relationship.
I loved this. It really captures the process I see my clients struggling with and how the nugget of truth can allow for empathy. I connected with the self validating steps too. It’s a great framework that can lead to self acceptance and becoming unstuck from habits that keep you going round in cycles. Thanks for sharing & please keep on writing!
Thanks so much for reading! I am so glad it resonates. I always appreciate hearing feedback from other clinicians and helpers.
This is super helpful! I write about burnout over on my substack and learning these emotional intelligence skills is just so key to preventing/ surviving/ recovering from burnout. Thank you for naming the steps so clearly.
So glad it was helpful! I am going to check out your substack as well. I love seeing how others are using substack to share their expertise. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Found this from your wrapped post. Very well articulated and I look forward to being more of a detective and figuring out the logic of others' emotion.
Thanks for reading! I'm glad it resonates. Being a detective is a great way to think about it.
I love hearing your thought process here. I think so many people would benefit from learning to validate their own emotions.
Thanks for reading! I agree, its such an important skill and just saying "all emotions are valid" is not really teaching us how to embody that.
Loved this piece! Here’s something I struggle with: validating my own mother, who can be an immature adult at times. For example, I asked her to try to call me by my chosen name (it’s been 5 years since I changed my name legally) and she started crying about how hard it was for her because “this name isn’t connected to anything for me.” How would I validate this while still asking her to change her behavior? Would I use the child model you provided, or is that too patronizing to use on an adult? Thank you!
Good to hear from you Jude! This is a great example because it is such a common response from parents in this scenario, and it is also an invalidation for the children. In general for a parent in that situation, I might normalize their sadness "I understand that you have an attachment to the name you chose for your child, many parents feel that way. There is grief in no longer using that name. For the sake of your relationship with your child, can you allow that grief to be there while still respecting their need for you to use their chosen name?" Something like that. An important nuance though: I think it gets tricky when expecting ourselves to validate a response that harms us in someway, especially when there is power at play in the relationship.
Amber I love this article and the others I have read by you!! Thanking you taking the time to share your wisdom!! 💗