This is such an important post! Thank you so much for opening up this conversation.
Like Christine, I too previously worked as a therapist. Now I teach at university and I research the intersections of writing and wellbeing/ health. I think these questions around disclosure, telling one's story, drawing on life (even if fictionalising it) are things that we all struggle with in different ways. For example, when I was a therapist, I wrote a blog and was always very careful about what I wrote there, whilst also wanting to draw on my own experiences.
I now teach in the Creative Writing Dept of a university, which raises other interesting questions. For example, memoir-writing colleagues often talk about how they can safely manage 'boundaries' with students. In the workshops that I run where I encourage people to write about their lives, we really focus on questions of power and confidentiality. This continues to teach me that respect, confidentiality and what feels 'appropriate' can look and feel so very different for each of us.
Love that reminder, “appropriate” is subjective. I’m working on a memoir and have been listening to a lot of podcast episodes about how authors decide what to share and the process of getting consent from the people that they may also be writing about. So much to thing about. It’s all so brave. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Amber! Your post really resonated with me on so many levels. Fairly seasoned therapist here so here are a few thoughts. Lisa Olivera reminded me that I can be a human first and therapist second and that seems to inform how I show up in session. In the intake, I acknowledge to clients that I will self disclose from time to time and that is something I can be mindful of or not do if it causes them discomfort. I also can sometimes pick up on how it may land with clients who don’t know what to do with it. I’ve had several clients share that it helps them feel seen and heard in a deeper way when I offer a tidbit of vulnerability or share how I have struggled with something similar. Before sharing I also try and ask myself the question- how will this benefit your client, is now the time for this?” It’s been a long learning curve and there are days when I might leave my office feeling like I shared too much. My first therapist tended to share too much and I want to try to be mindful of how much space I’m taking up in their hour. I think self disclosure or at least a client knowing an appropriate amount of things about their therapist can increase trust and attunement. Just my thoughts! I’m looking forward to reading more of your work! Take care and best wishes to your husband on his journey.
I am so with you. It’s very complex and ever-evolving. I was so apprehensive to start my newsletter (and still cycle through bouts of self doubt and fear). I’m trying to hold space for not knowing exactly how it all will work and feel. In exploring this, I asked myself how I’d feel if a client read what I wrote and I realized none of it is something I would never share but rather it’s more than I’d share in any one moment. As you emphasized, I’m always on the lookout for shame and in a lot of ways being more open about my human experience is a way to equalize. I love that you wrote about this and can’t wait to read more.
Thank you for reading and commenting! I hope more therapists will find their way here. “Ever-evolving” is the truth; we are all figuring it out in real time.
I love what you say about self-disclosure as an equalizer Kaitlyn. Some of the moments that impacted me the most when I was in therapy myself were my therapist's self-disclosures. The moments where I could see that this person who seemed like she had it all together had struggled just like me were the most powerful antidote to shame!
Beginning the process of writing that showcases my very feminist ideals was terrifying. "I am a feminist but not a feminist therapist," I wanted to say to everyone. I didn't want my colleagues mistaking I was an activist in therapy and I didn't want to alienate patients. I initially created a website with information for parents that didn't have my name anywhere. Then I started to blog on it so my name showed up only on those articles. After getting a book deal all of that went out the window. Shouting your book from the rooftops is part of what you agree to. I have spent two years getting comfortable merging my therapist and writer identities (not in session). Allowing as much room as possible for the transference to blossom is important to me. I am not generally a self-discloser unless it seems like it's going to advance the therapeutic goals. But when it enters the consulting room, it's all how you work with it. Thanks for a though-provoking piece!
This is great Amber. I grappled with this when setting up my own Substack. I knew I didn't only want to write dry, impersonal pieces. I also knew clients would find my page. My supervisor had a useful perspective, which was that within the therapy hour itself, self-disclosure needs clear boundaries and thought, to not detract from centring the client. But outside of that space, you are allowed to have a 3 dimensional life. In the digital age clients can inevitably find out things about you and his view was that didn't need to be a problem. I am slowly getting braver about self-disclosure in my writing but there are still some topics I haven't touched (yet). I find it helps to get confidence from watching how others are navigating the space. I still find it weird when clients quote my writing, but there have been moments when this has therapeutically useful too. Welcome to Substack, I look forward to reading more of your work 😊
Thank you so much for stopping by! I like your supervisor's reminder, that feels about right to me. And given that social media is still relatively new, it makes sense that there is tension there as we all adjust to what it looks like to balance these parts of ourselves. I look forward to checking out your writing as well, and glad to connect with another therapist here!
Yes, that's a great point about how recent all these changes are. Our ethical codes were likely written pre-social media and may need some updating for the modern world! I think, like with anything, the important thing is to be thinking and reflecting about it and to have a clear rationale within yourself about why you're choosing to do things the way you do.
Your supervisor's comment is helpful. I remember as a young therapist being terrified of running into patients who might see I'm not always the calm and centered person they think I am or that my kid has tantrums, or whatever. I'm not much of a self-discloser in therapy but I've gotten much more comfortable in my skin/being human and have had to get MUCH more comfortable with them knowing more about me if I'm committed to being a writer. My book about sexism feels like "coming out" as a feminist and I worry about alienating patients but then again, it's just more feelings and projections to work with.
Thank you for your well thought out reflections on this topic! As a former therapist turned hospital chaplain and spiritual director, I wonder about this with my patients/clients and with the chaplaincy students I teach. I too started out with stricter limits on self-disclosure (and sometimes I still think that's good for individuals who are brand new in helping professions), but as you write, the research toward vulnerability, authenticity and self-compassion also broadened my outlook. I'm planning to write some time about use of self vs. self disclosure and would love to link to this post if you're open to that!
This is such an important post! Thank you so much for opening up this conversation.
Like Christine, I too previously worked as a therapist. Now I teach at university and I research the intersections of writing and wellbeing/ health. I think these questions around disclosure, telling one's story, drawing on life (even if fictionalising it) are things that we all struggle with in different ways. For example, when I was a therapist, I wrote a blog and was always very careful about what I wrote there, whilst also wanting to draw on my own experiences.
I now teach in the Creative Writing Dept of a university, which raises other interesting questions. For example, memoir-writing colleagues often talk about how they can safely manage 'boundaries' with students. In the workshops that I run where I encourage people to write about their lives, we really focus on questions of power and confidentiality. This continues to teach me that respect, confidentiality and what feels 'appropriate' can look and feel so very different for each of us.
Love that reminder, “appropriate” is subjective. I’m working on a memoir and have been listening to a lot of podcast episodes about how authors decide what to share and the process of getting consent from the people that they may also be writing about. So much to thing about. It’s all so brave. Thank you for sharing!
Have you come across Mary Karr:s The Art of Memoir? I find her so good on this topic of sharing and consent. Look forward to reading your memoir! 💫
Thank you for helping manifest it ;) Yes, I have read The Art of Memoir! I have not actually ready any of Karr’s memoirs though, they are on my TBR
Hi Amber! Your post really resonated with me on so many levels. Fairly seasoned therapist here so here are a few thoughts. Lisa Olivera reminded me that I can be a human first and therapist second and that seems to inform how I show up in session. In the intake, I acknowledge to clients that I will self disclose from time to time and that is something I can be mindful of or not do if it causes them discomfort. I also can sometimes pick up on how it may land with clients who don’t know what to do with it. I’ve had several clients share that it helps them feel seen and heard in a deeper way when I offer a tidbit of vulnerability or share how I have struggled with something similar. Before sharing I also try and ask myself the question- how will this benefit your client, is now the time for this?” It’s been a long learning curve and there are days when I might leave my office feeling like I shared too much. My first therapist tended to share too much and I want to try to be mindful of how much space I’m taking up in their hour. I think self disclosure or at least a client knowing an appropriate amount of things about their therapist can increase trust and attunement. Just my thoughts! I’m looking forward to reading more of your work! Take care and best wishes to your husband on his journey.
I am so with you. It’s very complex and ever-evolving. I was so apprehensive to start my newsletter (and still cycle through bouts of self doubt and fear). I’m trying to hold space for not knowing exactly how it all will work and feel. In exploring this, I asked myself how I’d feel if a client read what I wrote and I realized none of it is something I would never share but rather it’s more than I’d share in any one moment. As you emphasized, I’m always on the lookout for shame and in a lot of ways being more open about my human experience is a way to equalize. I love that you wrote about this and can’t wait to read more.
Thank you for reading and commenting! I hope more therapists will find their way here. “Ever-evolving” is the truth; we are all figuring it out in real time.
I love what you say about self-disclosure as an equalizer Kaitlyn. Some of the moments that impacted me the most when I was in therapy myself were my therapist's self-disclosures. The moments where I could see that this person who seemed like she had it all together had struggled just like me were the most powerful antidote to shame!
Beginning the process of writing that showcases my very feminist ideals was terrifying. "I am a feminist but not a feminist therapist," I wanted to say to everyone. I didn't want my colleagues mistaking I was an activist in therapy and I didn't want to alienate patients. I initially created a website with information for parents that didn't have my name anywhere. Then I started to blog on it so my name showed up only on those articles. After getting a book deal all of that went out the window. Shouting your book from the rooftops is part of what you agree to. I have spent two years getting comfortable merging my therapist and writer identities (not in session). Allowing as much room as possible for the transference to blossom is important to me. I am not generally a self-discloser unless it seems like it's going to advance the therapeutic goals. But when it enters the consulting room, it's all how you work with it. Thanks for a though-provoking piece!
This is great Amber. I grappled with this when setting up my own Substack. I knew I didn't only want to write dry, impersonal pieces. I also knew clients would find my page. My supervisor had a useful perspective, which was that within the therapy hour itself, self-disclosure needs clear boundaries and thought, to not detract from centring the client. But outside of that space, you are allowed to have a 3 dimensional life. In the digital age clients can inevitably find out things about you and his view was that didn't need to be a problem. I am slowly getting braver about self-disclosure in my writing but there are still some topics I haven't touched (yet). I find it helps to get confidence from watching how others are navigating the space. I still find it weird when clients quote my writing, but there have been moments when this has therapeutically useful too. Welcome to Substack, I look forward to reading more of your work 😊
Thank you so much for stopping by! I like your supervisor's reminder, that feels about right to me. And given that social media is still relatively new, it makes sense that there is tension there as we all adjust to what it looks like to balance these parts of ourselves. I look forward to checking out your writing as well, and glad to connect with another therapist here!
Yes, that's a great point about how recent all these changes are. Our ethical codes were likely written pre-social media and may need some updating for the modern world! I think, like with anything, the important thing is to be thinking and reflecting about it and to have a clear rationale within yourself about why you're choosing to do things the way you do.
Your supervisor's comment is helpful. I remember as a young therapist being terrified of running into patients who might see I'm not always the calm and centered person they think I am or that my kid has tantrums, or whatever. I'm not much of a self-discloser in therapy but I've gotten much more comfortable in my skin/being human and have had to get MUCH more comfortable with them knowing more about me if I'm committed to being a writer. My book about sexism feels like "coming out" as a feminist and I worry about alienating patients but then again, it's just more feelings and projections to work with.
Thank you for your well thought out reflections on this topic! As a former therapist turned hospital chaplain and spiritual director, I wonder about this with my patients/clients and with the chaplaincy students I teach. I too started out with stricter limits on self-disclosure (and sometimes I still think that's good for individuals who are brand new in helping professions), but as you write, the research toward vulnerability, authenticity and self-compassion also broadened my outlook. I'm planning to write some time about use of self vs. self disclosure and would love to link to this post if you're open to that!
Of course, I would love that! I also look forward to reading about your thoughts on the topic!