I think this is the hardest part about therapy…that sometimes it’s not a skill or an intervention but rather an ongoing practice and shift in attitude. Work like ACT and IFS for example, are not quick fixes which can be so frustrating!! Loved this one!
What awesome news that you will be presenting at the mental health and motherhood conference. I am not a mother but find self-compassion very difficult to obtain. I might imagine with the demands of motherhood it would likely be a little more challenging to find the space for self-compassion. I am looking forward to a part 2 in the art of defusing thoughts and feeling pressed to engage with those thoughts that are not helpful.
I am so glad it was helpful! I eat, sleep, and breath this topic and I am really passionate about trying to share it in a digestible way. The feedback is really helpful because I am still learning how to best communicate these ideas in a newsletter. And thank you SO much for sharing!
It was very helpful to have you write what it looks like to engage with a thought and how it might look to not engage. I'd like more examples in part 2!
I've recently learned about the Work of Bryon Katie which focuses on challenging our thoughts by asking four questions and a turnaround. "Is this thought true?" "Can I absolutely know that it is true?" "What do I feel when I believe this thought?" "How would I feel if I didn't have this thought?" And then you present the thought in it's opposite form. Like if the thought is "I am not good enough." Then the turnaround is "I am good enough." And then you repeat the process with this new thought.
As someone who has been an overthinker my entire life, I have constantly been told that my problems are with my thinking & with my mind. I have young childhood memories of my mother telling me, "Christina, why do you think so much?" And so I love the idea of ACT, especially not engaging with the thought right away. But, I do have the problem with the question, "Is this thought helpful?" Because I believe it creates some shame around the thought like "I shouldn't have this thought if it's not helpful."
That's why I really like the work of Bryon Katie, cause it's not labeling the thoughts as "helpful" or "unhelpful" or "good" or "bad" but, they just provide alternative ways of thinking that help us open up our perspective. However, I also know that accepting what is, is also the first step to living a life with less stress and more peace!
REALLY great article Amber! As always, you take theory and put it into meaningful practice, by providing explicit examples. Thank you.
I'm used to say to myself, 'Hold the feeling or thought gently and observe it.' So the phrases you used resonate .
This is the one, that's new and meaningful 'Turning attention to what needs your attention' “There’s that thought again, but I am going to keep working on this anyway.”
No judgment or critiquing simply recognising. Very useful.
Ooooh, thank you for teaching me about defusion - that is a new concept. I was trained in CBT and found it to be limiting in a lot of ways. I'd heard bits about ACT recently, but this helps me get a clearer picture. I'd certainly be up for a Part 2!
Thanks for the great examples in this article. I’m wondering now, are there times when it is actually helpful to engage with a thought - to solve a problem that’s bothering you, for example? Or is it usually better to just observe the thought? What about journaling thoughts - is that engaging with them, or just a way of observing them?
Hi Jeannette, good question. All thoughts aren't created equally. So there is definitely times where we engage productively with our thoughts, such as problem-solving, planning ahead, being creative etc. In that case, I would say, the "thinking" is moving you closer to your goal or value so its not a problem.
Othertimes, there are thoughts in which engaging with them is unproductive. You find yourself stuck, either because the question is unanswerable, or you are stuck in a loop where no amount of "thinking about it" is ever enough. Maybe thinking about the past or the future, which is distracting you from the present. Engaging with it so much becomes a new problem, and it is taking your attention and energy away from other things that you care about. So that would be a place to practice disengaging.
Journaling isn't good or bad- it just matters if it is helpful or not! Really, that is the case for any response. Nothing is inherently problematic by itself, but we can look at our situation and question "Hm, is engaging with this line of thinking really helping me? or is it creating more distress."
This was very helpful , but just as important, well explained. Sometimes when I am reading articles like this I find myself thinking " WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY THAT. " Your clear writting and use of examples was so refreshing. Also nice that you post other "helps" at the end.
I'm also an ACT therapist, and I love the way you explained this. You've taken an abstract concept and made it very clear and digestible. Thank you!
Oh I am so happy to hear that! Thanks so much for the feedback Chloe!
I think this is the hardest part about therapy…that sometimes it’s not a skill or an intervention but rather an ongoing practice and shift in attitude. Work like ACT and IFS for example, are not quick fixes which can be so frustrating!! Loved this one!
Thanks Lindsey! I agree. Sometimes we just want a skill to fix the problem, and it's so much richer than that!
What awesome news that you will be presenting at the mental health and motherhood conference. I am not a mother but find self-compassion very difficult to obtain. I might imagine with the demands of motherhood it would likely be a little more challenging to find the space for self-compassion. I am looking forward to a part 2 in the art of defusing thoughts and feeling pressed to engage with those thoughts that are not helpful.
Thank you Lisa! I am so glad that folks are eager for a part 2. There are so, so many options for practicing this skill!
This is so helpful! I'm doing a series right now on our thoughts and language. I'm going to share this with my audience as well!
Observing our thoughts without engaging in them is a challenging practice, but so helpful. Thank you for your words and your work!
I am so glad it was helpful! I eat, sleep, and breath this topic and I am really passionate about trying to share it in a digestible way. The feedback is really helpful because I am still learning how to best communicate these ideas in a newsletter. And thank you SO much for sharing!
It was very helpful to have you write what it looks like to engage with a thought and how it might look to not engage. I'd like more examples in part 2!
Thanks for the feedback Cindy! Examples I can definitely do!
I've recently learned about the Work of Bryon Katie which focuses on challenging our thoughts by asking four questions and a turnaround. "Is this thought true?" "Can I absolutely know that it is true?" "What do I feel when I believe this thought?" "How would I feel if I didn't have this thought?" And then you present the thought in it's opposite form. Like if the thought is "I am not good enough." Then the turnaround is "I am good enough." And then you repeat the process with this new thought.
As someone who has been an overthinker my entire life, I have constantly been told that my problems are with my thinking & with my mind. I have young childhood memories of my mother telling me, "Christina, why do you think so much?" And so I love the idea of ACT, especially not engaging with the thought right away. But, I do have the problem with the question, "Is this thought helpful?" Because I believe it creates some shame around the thought like "I shouldn't have this thought if it's not helpful."
That's why I really like the work of Bryon Katie, cause it's not labeling the thoughts as "helpful" or "unhelpful" or "good" or "bad" but, they just provide alternative ways of thinking that help us open up our perspective. However, I also know that accepting what is, is also the first step to living a life with less stress and more peace!
REALLY great article Amber! As always, you take theory and put it into meaningful practice, by providing explicit examples. Thank you.
I'm used to say to myself, 'Hold the feeling or thought gently and observe it.' So the phrases you used resonate .
This is the one, that's new and meaningful 'Turning attention to what needs your attention' “There’s that thought again, but I am going to keep working on this anyway.”
No judgment or critiquing simply recognising. Very useful.
Ooooh, thank you for teaching me about defusion - that is a new concept. I was trained in CBT and found it to be limiting in a lot of ways. I'd heard bits about ACT recently, but this helps me get a clearer picture. I'd certainly be up for a Part 2!
Thanks for the great examples in this article. I’m wondering now, are there times when it is actually helpful to engage with a thought - to solve a problem that’s bothering you, for example? Or is it usually better to just observe the thought? What about journaling thoughts - is that engaging with them, or just a way of observing them?
Hi Jeannette, good question. All thoughts aren't created equally. So there is definitely times where we engage productively with our thoughts, such as problem-solving, planning ahead, being creative etc. In that case, I would say, the "thinking" is moving you closer to your goal or value so its not a problem.
Othertimes, there are thoughts in which engaging with them is unproductive. You find yourself stuck, either because the question is unanswerable, or you are stuck in a loop where no amount of "thinking about it" is ever enough. Maybe thinking about the past or the future, which is distracting you from the present. Engaging with it so much becomes a new problem, and it is taking your attention and energy away from other things that you care about. So that would be a place to practice disengaging.
Journaling isn't good or bad- it just matters if it is helpful or not! Really, that is the case for any response. Nothing is inherently problematic by itself, but we can look at our situation and question "Hm, is engaging with this line of thinking really helping me? or is it creating more distress."
This was very helpful , but just as important, well explained. Sometimes when I am reading articles like this I find myself thinking " WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY THAT. " Your clear writting and use of examples was so refreshing. Also nice that you post other "helps" at the end.
Thank you so much for this helpful feedback Ken. I am so glad to hear that it was easy to understand.