How One Therapist Is Coping With Election Anxiety

Thoughts about feelings about politics.

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Many therapists and helpers will recall what it was like in our profession in 2020. One day, we went to our offices as usual. I was sitting in my barely used chair in my newly rented office space, when I received a text message stating that schools were closing the next day. There was a virus, COVID-19, and to quell the spread, we should all stay home. Therapists everywhere did an amazing pivot; we will see our clients virtually from the safety of home. We scrambled to figure out the logistics and the ethics. The challenges were numerous.

What felt most disorienting was not figuring out how to conduct telehealth from home. It was responding to clients who were experiencing, in real time, the same challenges, fears, and heartaches that I was, and yet, I was the one expected to have the answers. How do I guide someone whose world has turned upside down, while I too am hanging from the ceiling, dizzy?

Here we are again. I sit across from my clients, all virtual now (because sometimes, unforeseen hardships breed innovations), and many ask the question, “How do I cope with this?” 

By this they mean, “this feeling that the world is on fire.” How do I cope with the possibility of another Trump presidency? How do I cope with watching the Supreme Court take away rights that I had taken for granted? How do I cope with how deeply our country is divided, that what seems so obviously just to me, can be so offensive to another? How do I cope with the fact that in this deeply divided place, we are all labeled either righteous victims or victorious psychopaths, there is no in between? 

It feels like 2020, because just like during the pandemic, therapists are not immune. We are experiencing the same shock, grief, and fear. Some days we want to say, “I have no idea, but please let me know if you figure it out.”

I was hesitant to write anything about this anxiety, because writing about politics invites vitriol. Then, the uncertainty of Biden’s candidacy continued to increase. Yesterday, Trump was attacked and innocent people harmed. It’s a lot. These signals of insecurity in our country and our democratic processes can be signals to our nervous system that we are not safe. So, for anyone like me whose anxiety has increased substantially in just the last 48 hours, I decided to write something. 

If you are reading this, and because of different political leanings, you are not having similar anxiety, then I invite you to think back to a time when the going-ons of the country or the world did make you anxious. I think my sentiments could still apply. Either way, I ask that everyone reply respectfully.

As the election anxiety increases, I have been taking note of what I find most helpful, in hopes that I can share it with you. Here are a few ideas that I keep returning to. 

Dialectics

Dialectics refers to the process of reconciling two opposing ideas. It is not a compromise; it is getting comfortable with the tension that exists when two opposing ideas are both true at the same time.¹ 

You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. You can love someone as they are and hope for them to change.

You can love your country and denounce its actions. You can love your country, and ask for it to do better. 

Dialectics reminds us that, among a group of people, there will be many individual experiences of what is true. I know what feels like truth for me,  what aligns with my deepest values. And you will feel equally justified in your own truths, some of which will stand in stark opposition to mine. To at least some extent,  we must coexist. 

The more challenging and frightening our circumstances become, the more apt we are to cling to extremes. We become more black and white in our thinking. Complex issues become all good or all bad, in an attempt to simplify. People become villains or heroes. 

Perhaps the opposite should be true, that the most complicated and challenging circumstances require us to bravely enter the “gray.” The space where it is messy and groundless.

To borrow the language of dialectics, we can say that this space is full of “Ands.”

For example, you may find yourself thinking, “There’s been so much heaviness in the world the last several years, don’t we deserve a break?” To that I say, “Yes, and.”

1. Yes, because we are all deserving of peace and rest. AND, this is our work to do. 

There is a sense that the world is on fire, and I don't know about you, but that has seemed to be the case for quite a while now, right? If we zoom out from our current zeitgeist, we can see that none of the problematic systems, tensions, and dynamics are new. I think it is important to note that these threats may feel more apparent to those of us who exist in a more historically privileged demographic, but for marginalized identities in the US, these threats have been present and causing harm for a long time. Similarly, previous generations have faced their own significant and seemingly unfathomable threats, like war, economic devastation, and debilitating epidemics. 

This is ours. Perhaps we are causing ourselves more pain by wishing that this were not the case. 

2. Fear is uncomfortable AND it is necessary.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” - Pema Chödrön

Fear is an important and life-saving emotion. It’s the internal chain of events that permits us to run as fast as we can from a bear, with no conscious decision making, before we’ve had time to register what is happening. Fear is the logical response to circumstances which can harm us, but it is uncomfortable, and many times we seek to eliminate the feeling. We can get distracted from the problem at hand, too overcome with the desire to quell the discomfort of fear. When eradicating discomfort is the priority, we are vulnerable to quick fixes. A population of numbed out, distracted, addicted, sick people, are unable to enact real social change.

I remind myself that although it is uncomfortable, it is not actually a problem that I am frightened by some of the things that are happening. It only becomes a problem when I believe that I never should feel uncomfortable in the first place. 

3. This feels urgent AND a panicked response is not needed.

Or perhaps I should state this as, panic is not the only response to urgent matters. 

Here me out. With the election looming closer, it feels that there are new or emerging threats on the horizon. It's as if an alarm is blaring in the middle of the afternoon, alerting us of a tsunami brewing miles out at sea, preparing to make landfall and cause destruction. It’s easy to panic.

Panic makes sense when there is a tsunami, when minutes matter. Panic is less helpful when we are 3 months out from an election, before the outcome has been realized. It helps to ground me when I remember that, even in the presence of this discomfort, I can only do what needs to be done in the present moment. I only need to look a few steps ahead, and do the next right thing. 

This is not to suggest that we should not take action. In fact, nothing I am saying here should be read as discouraging you to take intentional actions that align with your values. 

I am suggesting that we stay in the moment. This election is happening and we must radically accept that. Acceptance does not mean approval or appreciation. It means acknowledging that there are some parts of the present moment that we cannot change. This is our work. It is frightening. 

Anticipating and ruminating about every frightening, “Handmaid's Tale”-esq possibility does not serve us. It might completely overwhelm us. And of course, the physical, emotional, social, and financial consequences of another Trump presidency will not impact us all equally. Those who are most vulnerable need those of us who are safer, more well-resourced, and more protected to keep our cool. They need us to stay well enough so that we do not tune out, numb out, and shut down to their pain, unwilling to do the uncomfortable work of staying aware and engaged. 

While we are talking about the present moment… 

4. There are devastating things happening AND there are moments full of joy, pleasure, and playfulness. 

It is ok to have joyful moments between now and November. It is ok to take a break from watching the news. Do what you need to do to nourish yourself, and then tune back in. 

Don’t Hesitate

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

By Mary Oliver

5. There are people who are committed to being harmful AND there are so many helpers, advocates, and fighters. 

When I am feeling fearful, it helps me to remember that most people are good.

Everything is on fire, 

But everyone I love is doing beautiful things,

And trying to make life worth living.

And I know I don't have to believe in everything,

But I believe in that.

By Nikita Gill

I will leave you with one more nugget of wisdom from Pema Chödrön. In her comforting book, “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” she writes,

“The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”

If this article was helpful, please let me know in the comments, or show your support with a ‘like’ or a ‘share.’ Your engagement helps promote my work to more people, and I am so grateful.

Need more?

Check out Lisa Olivera’s article How Do I Keep Going?

If you have other resources that have helped you cope with adverse circumstances, please share in the comments. We could all benefit <3

I am excited to share that I will be speaking on the topic of Self-Compassion at the Mental Health & Motherhood 2024 Virtual Conference on October 11, 2024. This is an all day virtual event packed with speakers on the topic of how we can cultivate self-compassion in motherhood. It will be recorded and available to watch on replay.

Learn more about the speakers and get your tickets here: Mental Health & Motherhood Virtual Conference.

If you want to read more about some of the ideas I shared in the article today, check out these posts from the archive.

On practicing Radical Acceptance:

Knowing When to Drop the Rope

On Anxiety and Fear:

Exposure Therapy: The Only Way Out, Is Through

On coping:

When Bad Things Happen, I Cope Like a Child

1. I learned about Dialectics through training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. She writes extensively about the use of dialectics in therapy. I most frequently referencenikita g DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha Linehan