Oh this is so relatable. And one Xmas Eve, we couldn't find some of the presents my husband hid! 😮 This year I found myself worried about Xmas dinner, what to make, not feeling like spending all day cooking (as I have in years past). Then I realized it doesn't matter. My kids would be happy to have cereal! Hope you and your fam have a lovely, stress free, holiday!
Missing gifts…I can totally see that happening to me! You deserve to enjoy the day with your family without spending the whole day in the kitchen! My family has occasionally done easy pasta dinners for holidays, for exactly this reason. Sending you restful, peaceful holiday vibes as well!
My mother still has this annual Christmas panic - she's 81 and spends her December pension on things she can't afford despite us telling her that she doesn't have to and actually we don't want her to. I can get really quite cross at this behaviour (although not at her face) which feels to me like trampling over boundaries and not respecting our wishes. It almost feels pathological. I'm really thoughtful about the line on emotional regulation in this piece and it's been a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. Mum grew up in tremendous hardship as a refugee and half orphan; perhaps there's something she's trying to address, even at her age. Maybe I can afford to be kinder and more empathetic, since I can't change her. Truth is, there may not be many more years of this left. I wish I could actually talk to her about it though, because it's my heritage too - unfortunately it's right up there in the great unspoken. That conversation would be an amazing gift.
Thanks for reading Anna. I think your hypothesis makes a lot of sense; that this behavior of hers is related to her own history of trauma and hardship. At the same time, it sounds like she isn’t hearing your request for her not to buy those gifts. Your frustration is also valid. I’m glad that this story helps you to at least make sense of her behavior in a different way and perhaps hold her behavior with a little more empathy.
Oh this is so relatable. And one Xmas Eve, we couldn't find some of the presents my husband hid! 😮 This year I found myself worried about Xmas dinner, what to make, not feeling like spending all day cooking (as I have in years past). Then I realized it doesn't matter. My kids would be happy to have cereal! Hope you and your fam have a lovely, stress free, holiday!
Missing gifts…I can totally see that happening to me! You deserve to enjoy the day with your family without spending the whole day in the kitchen! My family has occasionally done easy pasta dinners for holidays, for exactly this reason. Sending you restful, peaceful holiday vibes as well!
My mother still has this annual Christmas panic - she's 81 and spends her December pension on things she can't afford despite us telling her that she doesn't have to and actually we don't want her to. I can get really quite cross at this behaviour (although not at her face) which feels to me like trampling over boundaries and not respecting our wishes. It almost feels pathological. I'm really thoughtful about the line on emotional regulation in this piece and it's been a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. Mum grew up in tremendous hardship as a refugee and half orphan; perhaps there's something she's trying to address, even at her age. Maybe I can afford to be kinder and more empathetic, since I can't change her. Truth is, there may not be many more years of this left. I wish I could actually talk to her about it though, because it's my heritage too - unfortunately it's right up there in the great unspoken. That conversation would be an amazing gift.
Thanks for reading Anna. I think your hypothesis makes a lot of sense; that this behavior of hers is related to her own history of trauma and hardship. At the same time, it sounds like she isn’t hearing your request for her not to buy those gifts. Your frustration is also valid. I’m glad that this story helps you to at least make sense of her behavior in a different way and perhaps hold her behavior with a little more empathy.